It's late Saturday night. I am sitting at the Mill with Dane. The two of us spent a majority of the day at the hospital. My other roommate, Jacques, got an appendectomy after experiencing minor abdominal pain early this morning.
Since the time I woke up until now, somehow it has just been one of those days. I was glad to be with Jacques and Dane today, but tonight when I got home I was reminded of how the day began. I just tried to work on some homework. I can't focus really. I don't want to go out, I don't want to stay in. I’m hungry, but I don’t think I’ll eat. I just want to sleep but I don't want to go to bed.
I pretty sure I’ve spent a lot of my time being a little too anxious lately. I am worried about YoungLife, about school work, about money, about family, about graduating college. I am going home a week from today to be with Brianne for a week that should be the culmination of something that has proved to be one of the hardest things anyone I know has had to fight through. I can’t believe the things I have learned from her. Still, being states away makes my heart sad and, somehow, my head anxious.
It is funny the moods that we find ourselves in. I can honestly say that not a day goes bye without something happening that has the potential to entirely crush my spirit, and all too often I let it. I’ll allow the clouds of worry to dominate my thoughts and spend hours without really noticing anything; not other people, not a sunset, not something funny or beautiful—not even noticing that I am being controlled by some form of anxiety.
I missed some things today. I was worried about so many things that I wasn’t really there at the hospital with Jacques at times. Gosh, that’s so frustrating.
Now I find myself somberly wondering how I got to this place. And how God has managed to meet me here. I’ve missed so much and completely stopped looking for Him, but He has managed to softly and profoundly make Himself known. I am here. I feel warmth. I am listening to a song that meets my somber, contemplative disposition and reminds me that the answers are often much more simple than I make them.
Maybe this is life. Maybe there’s some sadness, some happiness, some frustration and somehow God meets us there. That He meets us wherever, and that’s being alive.
1 comment:
Thanks for being patient, even in the place that you are. It's hard to have days like those...but some how we are met, where we are, by the Creator and He fills us with His grace and mercy. I can't wait to have you home.
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